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Destination: Recovery

A house for clean & sober men

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Floating Toward Freedom

Posted on November 6, 2016 at 11:26 AM Comments comments (0)
I have struggled with addiction for 20 years of my life. My drugs of choice were Oxycodone and Heroin, but I abused LSD, Cocaine and Methamphetamines.  What you are about to read is in short my story. Some or most people would say there are underlying reasons as to why people become addicted to drugs. I would say that why yes there are don't let them become the end excuse for continuing to abuse them.  

I have been out of jail for 11 months now and I have come farther in those months than I have in the whole 35 years of my life.I remember the day I was sentenced and I heard those words come out of the judge’s mouth. "You will be sentenced to 1 year in county jail for your 5th Offence OWI" and "You will be sentenced to 6 months in county jail for the Possession of Narcotics." He then proceeded to say "Your sentence is to be run concurrent with any other sentencing." Of course, I was granted good time so I would only have to sit 9 months. At that moment, I cried. I was still angry that I got busted, angry at the cop who busted me, angry at the judge and angry with everyone but myself. I didn't want to admit I messed up but rather wanted to make excuses for my actions. Such as "Well if I didn't have that last drink I wouldn't have been over the limit", or "If I didn't stop to get a bag of dope then my driving wouldn't have been as impaired."  Of course all this self-pity was actually making me feel more depressed and who was I kidding, I was just lying to myself and not taking responsibility for my actions in my own head. It wasn't until I got to jail that things really started sinking in. Like "Wow, I am stuck here with 22 other females who are loud and obnoxious and I just want some peace and quiet." Then you have those who like to start drama because they have nothing better to do with their time, those who stick to themselves and those who just try to get along with everyone. I was one of those people who tried to get along with everyone.  Eventually, I got settled in and thank God for plastic baggies, pads and Vaseline because let me tell you what, without it, I would have snapped more than I did on some people. The wonderful combination of the 3 makes some nice ear plugs. I won't lie; I got into my share of a few fights and even ended up in the hole one time for sending mail in and out to another inmate. I was angry about that as well because in jail you do not have a lot to look forward to, so the fact that I had a pen pal in jail was cool to me. I was more focused on this than on myself for a while and it wasn't until we got caught up that I started really focusing on why I was in jail.

“I have been out of jail for 11 months now and I have come farther in those months than I have in the whole 35 years of my life.” 

I came to know God, my Higher Power.I started reading the bible daily, praying and even leading some Bible Studies. I began working on my flaws and figuring out where to start and then began taking steps in the right direction. It finally dawned on me one day that you know what? I was more thankful that I had been busted driving that night than ever. If that never happened in my life, I would never have had the chance to get to know who I really was, who God was and that I really had a purpose in life, and that I needed to stop wasting my time putting all my efforts into getting high but direct all that effort into focusing on how I can be a better person, help others and live up to my dreams, goals and aspirations in life. I finally had a purpose and I could tell that it was helping others.   Just by the smiles that I would put on the faces of others with my kind words, or kind gestures.The day of my release approached slowly but surely and with the days counting down I became extremely anxious and scared. I was not sure what was going to happen once I walked out that door.  When the day finally arrived, the guards had come through to do one of their many checks, but they didn't let me out. I started freaking out…this is one of your worst fears when in jail. What if the day comes and they don't let me out? Time was ticking but slowly and I was getting inpatient. Finally the doors to our cells opened for count and I stood waiting by my cell for them to come in. As soon as they walked through that door I asked "I have been here for 9 months and today is my release day. Can you tell me why the hell I am still in here?" One of the guards looked at me and said "I've been here for 9 years and I am still here." Of course his cockiness didn't make me laugh at that very moment. He thought I was joking when I was asking why I was still there. They did a little investigating and found that the paperwork from my county was not sent over to them for me to be released. Where I was sentenced they tend to house their inmates at another facility.  Eventually, they let me out and I got out of my oranges and into my street clothes. Took a deep breath and walked out those doors unknowing of what my future had in store for me but one thing I did know was that I wanted to smoke a cigarette. My mom had brought me a pack; I lit up and immediately felt a rush. "Ahh, this feels like home," I said to myself.  It wasn't too long after my release that I found myself starting to go back to old habits.Getting caught up with people I met in jail who had no intentions of moving forward in life, but rather continuing down that path of self- destruction – a path that I couldn't see myself getting caught up in again.I was fortunate enough that my mom and her boyfriend offered me a place to stay under the condition that I got a job and moved out within 3 months. I hadn't had a job in 7 years of my life. I kind of laughed inside and thought to myself. What is a job?It wasn't much longer than a couple of weeks later that I found myself injecting some Methamphetamines. Instantly, I was sent into a state of paranoia and of course everyone and everything was no longer reality but a living hell of hallucinations. I ended up at the hospital later on because I was burning up and turning into a bright red lobster. I had used a dirty needle and got a deadly bacterial infection called "Sepsis." I ended up in the hospital for a couple of days on a strong dose of antibiotics and fluids as well as some lorazepam. I was hallucinating so badly that I literally thought I was dying and I probably was at that point.  Yet again, the good Lord saved me and didn't allow me to go. I survived and with minimal long term effects if any at all. I was still stupid enough to continue using for a couple of months after that.I ended up getting into it with my mom’s boyfriend because I was not holding up to my promise of getting a job and so I said to myself "I am going to prove that I am not a failure." That is what I did. I ended up getting a job at Taco Bell.  I started showing them I can make something of my life and I remembered the things that I went over in jail with myself on those lonely nights. I started incorporating them into my everyday living and it worked. I ended up moving out and into my fiancés house where I started building a foundation and incorporating structure into my life. With the help of God and the help of those around me who started seeing that I wasn't a failure and that I could do anything I put my mind to. It then became an addiction to do good, because the reward of having my family in my life and telling me they were proud of me was even more amazing to me, and it made me feel even better inside.  I ended up leaving Taco Bell after working there for 5 months to find better employment after having a bad episode of Psychosis. I kept my faith that I would find something better. I prayed and prayed about it and it was delivered.  I received a call from my old District Manager from Taco Bell. She wanted me to come work for her at another location. Despite my felonies and my criminal background, I was hired.  I worked there as a Culinary Assistant for a Nursing home for 8 months before getting hired as a Front Desk Clerk for a hotel making more money.August 22nd, 2016 I was married to the man who stood by my side through everything. We have been through it all together, and I can say with confidence that we are happily married and get along better than we have in the whole 9 years that we have been together.I now wake up every day and put my efforts into helping others.My passion is being an inspiration to someone else and just hopefully my story will touch the lives of many others out there still struggling. Not only did I quit using drugs and alcohol, but I quit smoking too!I attended a program through a Church who offers a program to inmates. I was a volunteer there and sitting in because I will be facilitating this same program to inmates at some point really soon. I will also be offered the chance, not now, but soon to go into the jail and facilitate the program there. The jail said that it's too soon from my release and to give it a bit. Until then, I will happily help others outside.I am corresponding with the Principal/Counselor for one of the local schools here in Wausau, WI. She would like to have me come speak to a group of classmates about the effects of drugs and alcohol. I will also be able to share my story with them, and hopefully it will touch them in a way that they will make a choice to not go down the same destructive path that I did.The woman who was once antisocial, depressed, anxious and paranoid and feared the world has now come out of her shell. I am here now and to always be a guiding light to others and inspire people to not give up on themselves, believe and maintain hope and faith.  

Lisa is the founder of the Facebook page, Hope Fiend Addiction/Recovery Poetry. It is a place for addicts, recovering addicts and those who have lost a loved one to addiction to come and read and post their addiction/recovery related poetry.

A New Pattern of Living

Posted on October 8, 2016 at 11:25 AM Comments comments (0)
"We suspect that if we do not use what we have, we will lose what we have." - Basic Text p.75

Addiction gave a pattern to our lives, and with it a meaning - a dark, diseased meaning, to be sure, but a meaning nonetheless. The Narcotics Anonymous recovery program gives us a new pattern of living to replace our old routines. And with that new pattern comes a new meaning to our lives, one of light and hope.
What is this new pattern of living? Instead of isolation, we find fellowship. Instead of living blindly, repeating the same mistakes time and time again, we regularly examine ourselves, free to keep what helps us grow and discard what doesn't.Rather than constantly trying to get by on our own limited power, we develop a conscious contact with a loving Power greater than ourselves.
Our life must have a pattern. To maintain our recovery, we must maintain the new patterns our program has taught us. By giving regular attention to these patterns, we will maintain the freedom we've found from the deadly disease of addiction, and keep hold of the meaning recovery has brought to our lives.

Just for today: I will begin a new patter in my life: the regular maintenance of my recovery.

   Taken from the FB page of Addicted To Recovering Musings Of A Clean Redneck Grandma

No Longer Having to Lie

Posted on August 21, 2016 at 2:21 PM Comments comments (1)
A Facebook friend posted, "we're only as sick as our secrets." How freeing it is to not have to lie about drugs, alcohol, and all the things associated with them. We no longer have to hide the fact that we're using or drinking. We no longer have to lie about where the money's gone, or where we were the night before. We no longer have to cover up hangovers, being dope sick, or the effects of overindulging. We don't have to worry being pulled over by the police, or whether we'll pass a drug test. How much stress we have put ourselves through due to drugs and drink.

Learning About Addictions Through Social Media

Posted on August 7, 2016 at 4:32 PM Comments comments (1)
Sometimes it's helpful to know others have experienced the same problems were going through. There are various support groups such as NA, AA, and Al-anon. There are also on line support groups. Both Facebook and Google+ have sites that can help educate and assist. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Message posted on Facebook

Posted on May 20, 2016 at 4:19 PM Comments comments (0)
Your and Matt's recovery house was exactly what I needed to get sober. The rules and disciplines I had to deal with there prepared me for living life on life's terms. I realize now that when times are tough, God is preparing you for what's to come. I've made it through some tough work and life situations since living there because I learned that better things will come if you hang in there and stick with the hard things He puts you through. Thank you for having the house there for me. I pray that through it you get to continue to change lives.

Children of Addicted Parents

Posted on January 24, 2016 at 3:26 PM Comments comments (0)
The following are effects of parental addiction on children:
1. Having to guess what normal is.
2. Difficulty having fun.
3. Difficulty with intimate relationships.
4. Trust issues.
5. Terrified of abandonment
6. Frightened of angry people.
7. Constantly seeking approval.
8. Can become super responsible or super irresponsible. 
For the full article check out Destination: Recovery on Facebook.


Posted on November 9, 2014 at 11:41 AM Comments comments (0)
Congrats to all alums continuing their sober journey. We are proud of you; be proud of yourselves!


Posted on April 14, 2014 at 10:47 AM Comments comments (3)
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